Why again?

I can't explain the total anger
welling up within me almost all the time.
I cannot understand it.
I know it comes from deep within,
derived from past defeats and pains
that can't be given up.
I must forgive, while hurting just the same.
I feel that everything is wrong.
That all I ever try to do is wrong.
That every time I try to give something,
the pain returns again.
And then I lash and fight and bite
the ones that ought to be my friends.
I have no friends.